I love my children. I will say it again and again, I love my children. I'm pretty sure I love them unconditionally, too. At least, they haven't done anything (yet) to change that. ; )
HOWEVER, there are times I don't really like things they do (or say)! Children have any uncanny ability to get to the core of your insecurities, or to embarrass you in a public place that makes you wish the ground would open up and swallow you! ANYONE who has EVER dealt with children knows EXACTLY what I am talking about!
Let's take Tracen, for example. He is in 4th grade, so I think the days of my mere presence embarrassing him are still a few years away. I had to run to his school the other day to bring something to him and interrupted a story time in the library. He came over to me and hissed, 'how embarrassing!', took what I brought for him and sat back down. All I'm thinking is that faze of his life came earlier than expected, but it was still expected, so no big! So I go about my day, head over to help in the kindergarten, went to town, the bank, several other public appearances. That was on Thursday, and on Monday, we were in Pocatello and I was telling my sister how he was embarrassed by me coming to school and he interrupts saying, 'I wasn't embarrassed that you were there, it looked like you just got put of the shower and hadn't done anything with your hair!' I JUST got through telling my sister how one day last week, I had shampooed my hair and it looked sort of cute and curly so I put some gel in it to hold it. Apparently, it didn't look cute, but like I had just got out of the shower and did NOTHING with my hair! Then, because I acted so shocked, he tried to make it better by saying, 'I mean it was just all sticking out all over the place!' He demonstrated this by placing his hands like rooster tails around his head! Yes, there are days when being a mother is a thankless job!
Other times they don't say things against me personally, but can still be embarrassing! Actually, to be truthful, they are pretty funny and I laughed right after, not 6 months down the road when you forget how embarrassing it really was!
We are at a Chinese restaurant, one we go to quite frequently in Pocatello. It was me & my 4 boys; my mom; my sister Teri; my brother Bill, his wife and 3 kids; and my sister Miki and her 3 kids. Everyone was leaving, and the cleaning crew from the restaurant was (im)patiently waiting in the wings to clean up after us. Colby, my 6 year old comes running up to me and says, 'These people speak Spanish! I heard them!' Now, the child is NOT quiet by normal standards, and when excited is very loud so I have NO DOUBT every person in the room heard him! That is a crawl-under-the-table-and-never-come-out moment, especially because I was laughing too hard to correct him! I'm sure there were some 'Spanish' speaking Chinese who were offended that day!
I had invited some family over for dinner, you may insert whatever joke here you want, but I do cook! I feel the need to add before I go on, that my son, Jacob, frequently tells me if he has to eat what I cook he will throw up. He tells me this often because he is an EXTREMELY picky eater. I will also add that the times he has ACTUALLY thrown up can be counted on one hand! As we were finishing up the meal, one family member, who's identity will remain nameless to protect the innocent, suddenly says, 'I think I'm going to throw up!' And proceeds to run to the bathroom to do just that. My bathroom is fairly close to our dining room, so we could all hear what was going on. Suddenly Jacob pipes up, 'Ah, oh! She didn't like it!' I laughed so hard it actually drowned out the sound from the bathroom! I will also add that it happened because the food was so good this person ate too much, not because it was bad!
Some things kids say, when they don't mean to be funny, are the funnies of them all! Which brings us to example #4:
Colby is standing in the dining room, suddenly lifts up his shirt, touches a mole or skin tag or pimple or whatever it was, on his side and says, 'What is this? A piece of my boob!?!'
It's been weeks, and we are STILL laughing at that on!